It seems to me to have been a very sad year for some. Many friends have lost family members in 2014.
One such friend of mine – Bev F. lost her mother recently. They had a very close and loving relationship and this will be the first Christmas without her. Bev is surrounded by many friends and family who love her and will be able to comfort each other during this difficult transition.
I met with Bev today and we chatted about how this Christmas would be for her. She and her family had been attending a five week grief support group. Some of us are better off than others in terms of having people to speak with. Others do not have anyone.
One such lady Bev has gotten to know has been having a very hard time of dealing with the guilt. She submitted her husband into palliative care after his care and comfort became too much for her to provide. She told me of the advice she passed on to this lady in a letter and agreed to share it here in an effort to help others.
I believe we heal by helping others. I hope this letter brings you comfort and/or understanding. Please feel free to share it.
“After our little talk last week and how you spoke so honestly about not wanting to be here, I have had you on my mind. You’re such an amazing, loving and caring woman. You have a family and grandchildren who love you to pieces.
It is okay to be angry, hurt, lost, and to GRIEVE!!! You lost a very important part of your life. You stated that you thought you were mean to your husband prior to his passing. That you felt so bad and angry about what you did because that was not like you at all. Take into consideration you were grieving from the very first day that you were told that your husband had cancer. You were grieving that the man whom you loved and cherished was not the same man at the end. You were grieving that there was absolutely nothing that you could have done to make him better. As women and mothers we are intent on helping and healing our loved ones. But this time you could not and for that you were angry and hurt.
I have come to know you over the last 5 weeks and I know in my heart you are an amazing, loving, caring and wonderful WOMAN! It broke my heart to hear you say you did not want to be here! You deserve to be here and yes there are so many people who WANT YOU HERE!! Do not let the last time with your husband define WHO YOU REALLY ARE! Yes you do have to grieve, you will have ups and downs and so many emotions TOO MANY TOO MENTION. Guess what? THAT IS OKAY – you’re entitled to those!
Just remember you are here and live! YOU ARE SO WORTH IT! Be good to yourself and most important LOVE YOURSELF! Because guess what?
You’re a pretty damn special woman!!!”